Watch out for these signs and save yourself the journey of emotional destruction of a toxic relationship:
1) They Move ‘Full On’ Into the Relationship
If someone gets really interested in you too soon and tries to get close too fast, wave the red flag.
If they ask you questions about everything that has happened in your life, you may feel as though they are just really interested and want to get to know you. You may even find this attention quite flattering and describe it as an instant connection.
I had a client recently that experienced this very thing and unfortunately, they were just looking for weaknesses and vulnerabilities that they could undermine them with at a later date.
If anyone tries to move too fast and gets close too soon, learn to slow down the pace and set boundaries. Wait until you get to know them and have built up a certain amount of trust.
Let your connection grow at a pace that feels natural and in flow.
2) They Lack Consistency
When someone lacks consistency, I mean their words matching their deeds.
It is very easy to spot when this is not the case, but sometimes we ignore the obvious, don’t listen to our ‘gut’ when things don’t seem to make sense as we can get carried away on the feelings surrounding the relationship.
We see what we want to see around how we want that person to be instead of trusting what we are seeing with our eyes.
Someone who says one thing and does another thing lacks integrity and can’t be trusted.
If you ignore your gut instincts, the obvious inconsistencies and start giving them the benefit of doubt, they know that you don’t know how to draw boundaries or hold them accountable for their behaviour; then the games will really start to be played!
3) You Can’t Seem to Think Straight Around Them
I don’t mean you are head over heels in love either!
I mean you don’t feel like you can be yourself when you’re with them.
When you lose your centre, it is because what is going on around you is throwing you off balance.
You may feel like you are only doing things to please your partner and it’s what you do in a relationship, but if this is not being done congruently and authentically you will find it increasingly becoming all about them.
You will create a power dynamic where it becomes clear that they can easily manipulate you to do/be what they want.
Do not engage in a relationship where you are losing yourself.
4) Your Body Feels Uncomfortable with Their Energy
Your subconscious has an awareness that directs you, and you will unlikely be aware of this is happening.
If you feel a tension in your body or tightness in your stomach when you are with someone, your subconscious is uncomfortable with their energy and is letting your body know!
Be aware of the motives of their behaviour or simply walk away. You owe them nothing!
5) They Have a Lot of Difficult Stories to Tell
If someone opens up to you quickly with stories about how terrible their past might have been, past partners or parents and look for comfort, they could be looking to be rescued.
Now this may make you feel as though you can help them, but you are letting yourself in for a heap of difficulty. They will unlikely want to change what they get from the attention and you will never be able to satiate their needs!
Point them in the direction of a good coach and go and find someone else that can be there for you as much as you want to be there for someone else.
The key ingredient that determines a happy and healthy relationship is the absence of co-dependency.
There will be times when their need is greater than yours, of course, but if it doesn’t work the other way then you will eventually run out of energy and may even feel resentful of it never being about you.
If you are both co-dependent then you will drive each other crazy as neither of you will ever be able to meet the needs of the other.
We all need to learn how to be ourselves and live independently. If we don’t, we will always be looking for someone to complete us or feed our needs, rather than complement who we are.
If you find that you find yourself attracting these types of relationships into your life, think you may have some kind of co-dependency or feel that you may be or have been in an unhealthy or toxic relationship in the past and would like to change the success of your relationships, then use the contact form for your complimentary consultation.
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