3 Simple Rules for a Relationship that you Love
What People Need to Know About Their Most Important Relationship
As a person, the health of your relationships directly impacts your life fulfilment, happiness and success. Nothing will undermine life faster than bad ones. And few things will advance life like good ones.
All relationships are work in progress. I am constantly working on mine to ensure they are the best they can be.
As I reviewed my relationships, I identified three rules that I have followed and that can help any relationship, especially around the areas of:
• Priorities
• Differences
• Support
If you are looking to improve your most important relationships, then I strongly recommend you read on.
Rule No1: Prioritise Your Partner
Several years ago, work-related stress sent my client to A&E. Not just once, but three separate times, and he was sure he was having a heart attack. One thing he learned from that brush with mortality was that work was too important to him and working on his marriage was not nearly important enough.
With his wife’s help and patience, he changed all of that. He now loves his work, but also loves his marriage, and sees how one affects the other.
Personally I have learned the importance of going to bed at the same time as my partner (unless she is having one of her go to bed at 8pm nights, but still sometimes I do), and leaving the computer/phone/tablet out of my working hours. We sit together, talk to each other, walk with each other, and share our real selves.
I try and be my real self with everyone as it has a huge impact on how my relationships work and feel.
This step, and others taken over the years, have made for better relationships, and that affects everything else I do. The more stable and supportive my life at home, the more confident and certain I feel when I step out into the world.
Rule 2: Understand Your Differences and Value Them
Opposites can attract as we know and that makes us interesting to each other initially. But what started out as “You complete me” ended up being “You deplete me.” differences, which were once so attractive, can become annoying over time.
Though you may go into a relationship thinking of it as a lifetime commitment, after the first several years you could be likely be heading for a break up.
I have seen many clients on their own to start with and then asked for the partner to join the sessions as it can help to better understand and value difference, which are critical in helping both to grow and become the relationship that you want to have. And that takes me to my third rule for a relationship that you love.
Rule 3: Get Outside Support
I learned that it’s not only okay to seek outside help, it is necessary to do so from time to time.
Consuming relationship related blogs, books, videos and podcasts can help. But if you want to accelerate your results, it’s best to talk to a qualified relationship coach who can help you recalibrate expectations and refine your relating approach.
Couples rarely go through pre-relationship coaching and then are resistant to therapy once married/in a long-term relationship. Maybe it feels like an admission of failure, but that is exactly the wrong way of looking at it. Whether it’s finances, fitness, or plumbing, when I get stuck, I call in help. Why wouldn’t I do that for my relationships?
“It’s the healthy people that come for coaching,” a coach once told me. Why? Because it’s healthy to admit that you can’t do it all on your own and could use some space to talk things through and gain a new perspective.
What matters most is all of this is the determination to get outside support. If you are motivated and creative, I’m confident that you’ll find the help you need to create the relationships that you love. I bet there are lots of people depending on it, both at home and at work.
It’s not only okay to seek outside help, it is necessary to do so from time to time.
I have written the book The P.E.O.P.L.E. Programme, to enable you to look at your relationships at great depth and to understand all of the issues that cause any problems and how to put these in a place where you can live the relationships and life that you want.
You will learn who you are and why you do what you do, and be able to see the same in others. You will also be able to manage the relationships that you have never been able to before and have them in a place where they no longer cause you excessive stress or upset.